Part 8 - Steve McQueen Loves Barbeque

(Please read the previous episodes before reading this posting)
Part 1 - Meet Jack Collins
Part 2 - Jack Would Rather Be in the Coffin Than Giving the Eulogy
Part 3 - Danielle's Ultimatum
Part 4 - Mr. Bond's Great Escape
Part 5 - Stanely Discovers a Half Naked Livingston
Part 6 - Houston, We Have a Problem
Part 7 - Drama at the Cafe
Jack is late to Danielle's family BBQ.

EXT. GROCERY STORE FRONT - DAY.
We see Jack enter into a busy grocery store. He approaches the cart rack and digs through his pockets but cannot find a quarter. He has a fist full of dimes, nickels and pennies. Frustrated, he
walks into the store.

INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY.
Jack is walking up and down the aisles putting food in his buggy. He looks around the store and realizes he’s the only person under sixty in the whole store.

CAMERA PAN AROUND THE AISLES.
We see a plethora of folks going about their shopping: one white haired lady with a small cart is squinting at the label of a box of granola, one couple wearing matching terry cloth sweat suits
is arguing over which type of peanut butter is cheaper, one elderly man is picking up one orange after another but cannot select any. He needs to avoid seniors in the aisles engaged in similar shopping activities already described.

As Jack finishes his shopping, he returns to the front of the store to find there are no manned check out counters, just the stations where you self-scan the items. Ahead of him is an old lady who is scanning the same item over and over because she cannot hear each time the item beeps.

CUT TO:

CLOSE UP OF JACK
Jack’s shoulders are hunched and his head is bowed. He is resigned to be here all afternoon.

INT. JACK’S CAR – DAY.
The trip to the grocery store has taken much longer than anticipated. Jack really needs to make up time if he is not going to be late. The streets are busy, but navigable. Jack’s cell phone RINGS. He pushes the button on his hands free set.

JACK

Hello?

VOICE OF DANIELLE

Jack, where are you?

JACK

I’m on my way Babe.

VOICE OF DANIELLE

You were supposed to be here fifteen
minutes ago. Everyone's waiting.

JACK

Sorry. I’m in the car now.

VOICE OF DANIELLE

Look, if you don’t want to come just say
so.

Jack is stressed talking and driving at the same time. He peers ahead desperately for a spot to pull over but cannot find one.

JACK

No I want to come. I went to the store and
got everything you wanted. Besides, I what
am I going to do with three bags of hot
dogs and buns otherwise? Warren can only
eat so much.

INT. SUBURBANR KITCHEN – DAY
Danielle is on the phone in her brother’s kitchen. Behind her we see activity in the kitchen as bowls of potato salad and coleslaw are being carried out to the patio. THROUGH THE WINDOW, kids running around the lawn, men with beers hanging around a smoking grill. At the grill, we see STEEL wearing an apron that reads: GOLFERS DO IT IN THE RUFF.

DANIELLE

OK. I know Steel is really looking forward
to seeing you.

VOICE OF JACK
(muttering)

I bet.

DANIELLE

What?

INT. JACK’S CAR – DAY.

JACK

I said “you bet”.

Jack is looking over both shoulders, frantically trying to find a way to find an opening in the traffic.

VOICE OF DANIELLE

Oh.

JACK

Good news. Things are easing up. I’ll see
you soon.

INT. SUBURBANR KITCHEN – DAY

DANIELLE

Fine, but Jack, come or not, we need to
talk. Bye.

Danielle hangs up. Her sister-in-law MARCIE hands her a margarita.

INT. JACK’S CAR – DAY.
We hear the DIAL TONE in Jack’s car.

JACK

Crap. That’s never good.

INT./EXT. JACK’S CAR – DAY.
Suddenly, Jack’s lane starts to move. Seeing an opportunity to get onto the freeway, Jack pulls onto the on-ramp.

EXT. FREEWAY ENTRANCE RAMP – DAY.
At the top he comes to a screeching halt: It is an absolute logjam. We hear HONKING above the general throb of idling engines.

INT./EXT. THROUGH WINDSHEILD – DAY.
Ahead, the occasional driver can be seen standing looking off into the distance as the MIASMA OF HEAT RISES over the collective cars.

INT. JACK’S CAR – DAY.
There is no way Jack can make it before the barbeque is over. Panic sets in as he knows Danielle doesn’t need any more excuses to break up with him. His ears POUND, sweat RUNS down his face as his eyes SCAN the horizon for a way out.

To go back down the on ramp would be against the law. The risk is too big to take. Jack’s hands slip on the wheel. He wipes his sweaty palms on his shirt.

CUT TO:

BULLITT - CLIP
We see Bullitt (Steve McQueen) pulling a U-turn on the highway in his green 1967 Mustang. He speeds off in pursuit of the black Lincoln.

CUT TO:

EXT. FREEWAY ENTRANCE RAMP – DAY.
Jack’s Pacer backs up, spins and drives down the on-ramp dodging two other cars on their way up. He hits the bottom of the on ramp and heads back through the street traffic.

CUT TO:

BULLITT - CLIP
CLOSE UP of McQueen behind the wheel looking focused but cool.

CUT TO:

INT. JACK’S CAR – DAY.
CLOSE UP of Jack looking nowhere near as cool.

CUT TO:

BULLITT - CLIP
We see McQueen speeding along the road weaving through traffic.

CUT TO:

EXT. CITY STREET – DAY.
Jack is driving through traffic weaving easily around the other cars, rapidly making his way into the suburbs.

CUT TO:

BULLITT - CLIP
McQueen leaves the road to avoid something, driving on the shoulder and grass.

CUT TO:

EXT. SUBURB STREET – DAY.
Jack is driving in Steel’s neighbourhood. Although the street sare empty, he’s constantly pulling up on the grassy boulevards knocking over the occasional garbage can or mailbox. Suddenly he crosses the road over the grass median, and spin-skids to a stop up against the curb in front of Steel’s house. Watching, mouth opened from the sidewalk, is a three-year-old girl on a Big Wheel.

INT. JACK’S CAR – DAY.
We see Jack sitting behind the wheel, hands gripping with white knuckles. He blinks twice as he comes out of his trance. As he becomes aware he is at his brother-in-law’s with no idea of
how he got here, he begins to HYPERVENTILATE. Still in a panic, JACK opens the door and gets out bringing the bags of groceries with him.

EXT. SUBURB STREET – DAY.
Jack walks past the front of his Pacer and we see chunks of grass stuck in the grill and fender. Shaking his head, Jack walks up the front steps of the house and knocks on the front door.

INT. SUBURBAN KITCHEN – DAY.
Danielle and Marcie are standing at the kitchen counter drinking margaritas looking out the kitchen window at Jack and Steel. Even through the window, JACK appears disheveled.

MARCIE

I don’t know D. Jack always did look kind of weird to me.

DANIELLE

Not like this. His behavior is completely
odd. Unexplained disappearing, fighting. I
don’t get it.

MARCIE

Sound’s like he’s screwing around.

DANIELLE

No, not Jack. -- That’s not like him.

MARCIE

Well, you said it yourself: his behavior is
odd.

MARCIE

True. A thirty two year old man with no
visible defects who’s never been married
must already have a fear of commitment.

DANIELLE

That’s Jack all right.

MARCIE

I bet subconsciously he’s sabotaging your
relationship.

DANIELLE

I never thought about that.

MARCIE

Sure. He’s rebelling. Look at him.

Both women turn and look at Jack standing next to Steel.

MARCIE (CONT’D)

He’s probably trying to figure out how to
escape right now.

PUSH OUT TO:

EXT. PATIO – DAY.
Steel is flipping hamburgers and hot dogs on the BBQ. On the lawn are at least a dozen kids chasing each other with water guns and dashing in and out of a small paddling pool. Jack has a beer in his hand and is struggling to pay attention to Steel’s conversation.

STEEL

So, then the on the 13th, I decided to tee
off with a three iron. I know it’s a par
four but with the way the bunker lines up
on the right of the fairway, you know,
before the dogleg? I figured this time I’d
try and lay up safe. This way I’m just a
seven shot from the green instead of a
nine, right?

A stray round of water ammunition hits Jack on the side of the head.

STEEL (CONT'D)

Tyler! What have I said about shooting
those things around the patio?

TYLER is long gone before Steel finishes.

STEELE (CONT'D)

So here I am in a position to lay it up on
the green with a nine after all. -- I ended
up birdying the hole.

Steel chuckles to himself.

JACK (AS BILL MURRAY IN CADDYSHACK)

Cinderella story.

STEELE

What?

JACK

You know “Cinderella Story, this
former greens keeper about to become...”
(beat)
It's from 'Caddyshack'?

Steel clearly does not get the reference.

JACK (CONT’D)

Never mind.

With one final flip of the last burger patty, the food is cooked. Steel turns off the gas with a flourish.

STEEL

Supper’s ready!

FADE OUT.

Part 6 - Houston, We Have a Problem

(Please read the previous episodes before reading this posting)
Part 1 - Meet Jack Collins
Part 2 - Jack Would Rather Be in the Coffin Than Giving the Eulogy
Part 3 - Danielle's Ultimatum
Part 4 - Mr. Bond's Great Escape
Part 5 - Stanely Discovers a Half Naked Livingston

Jack returns to work but can he manage his stress with all the changes around him?

INT. GENUINE LOGIC OFFICE - DAY.
Jack and Warren walk through the front doors. It is early so there are not many employees in yet. However, Bryan is waiting in the bullpen.

.

BRYAN

Nice of you to make it in, Jack.

.

JACK

I’m sorry, I was in hospital.

.

Bryan takes step back.

.

BRYAN

You don’t look very sick to me. What’s
wrong?

.

WARREN

False alarm. Thought it was bird flu, but
since Jack hasn’t been having sex with
birds for a while, it’s likely just fatigue
from overwork.

.

Jack and Warren move past him to their desks. Bryan hurries along behind.

.

BRYAN

You’re really sick Osky, you know that?

.

WARREN

Possibly, but I still came into work didn’t
I?

.

BRYAN

Look Jack. We got the go ahead for the
FuBaste but...

.

WARREN

Let me guess -- with you as project
manager?

.

BRYAN

Yes, but...

.

JACK

Even though you had nothing to do with the
concept.

.

Jack drops his attaché on his desk in disgust.

.

BRYAN
Yes, but... the Committee wants a full
development projection by Friday. That’s
tomorrow.

.

JACK

Give me a break. The Steering Committee

are all the same people we presented to two

days ago.

.

WARREN

Just with different titles.

.

BRYAN

What can i tell you? That's the way it is.

There are too many other projects waiting

to go ahead.
(pause)
If you want this project to happen Jack,
this is the only way.

.

JACK

I have the milestones, but there are too
many other dependencies to give an accurate
forecast. It’ll take a couple of weeks...

.

BRYAN

There isn’t time.

.

JACK

Plus some of the resources are tied up in
existing projects...

.

BRYAN

I said there isn’t time. Look, I know you
wanted to run this, but unless we do it
this way, my way, and now, it’s done.

.

JACK

Okay...I’ll get the team together this
morning.

.

BRYAN

Thanks.

.

Bryan heads off to bother someone else.

.

WARREN

Don’t let him push you around like that.

.

JACK

But what choice do I have? At least this
way I’ll get some of the credit. Otherwise
I’ll get stuck working on someone else’s
crummy project, fixing their screw-ups.

.

Jack sits and boots his computer. Warren shakes his head and walks to his desk. Jack’s phone RINGS.

.

JACK

Jack Collins -- Hi Dee. Yeah, it was great.
You? Good.
(whispers into the phone)
Sorry I had to leave before you got up.

.

Bryan appears behind him, impatiently taps his watch and walks off.

.

JACK (CONT’D)

Listen I’m swamped, can I call you later?
(beat)
Is that tonight? -- No, I do want to go to
your brother’s for dinner, I like him. --
Sure I do, we have plenty in common.
(beat)
Okay. I’ll pick up some barbeque stuff
after work and meet you there. – Okay, bye.

.

Jack hangs up. Warren pops his head over the cubicle.

.

WARREN

Going to Steel’s tonight?

.

JACK
(unenthusiastically)

Yeah.

.

We see Jack is booking people for a meeting through his computer.

.

WARREN

Better brush up on your golfing trivia.

.

JACK

Don’t remind me.

.

Jack and Warren walk off towards a meeting room where four other employees from different parts of the office are converging. They all enter the darkened room.

.

INT. DANIELLE’S OFFICE – DAY
Danielle is having coffee with Susan Mowat, another lawyer in her firm.

.

DANIELLE

I just don’t know what’s gotten into him.
He’s never behaved anything like this.

.

SUSAN

Classic.

.

DANIELLE

What do you mean?

.

SUSAN

It’s just classic male underachiever
behavior, reacting to a successful woman
taking control.

.

DANIELLE

I don’t think it’s like that.

.

SUSAN

Face it Danielle. He has no power at work,
and now you’re calling the shots at home.
Frankly, I’ve never understood your
relationship.

.

DANIELLE

I suppose you’re going to tell me whether I
ask why or not.

.

SUSAN

Look at you. You’re beautiful, he’s kind
of, oh I don’t know...

.

DANIELLE

Cute?

.

SUSAN

I was thinking 'shrubby'.

.

DANIELLE

Oh.

.

SUSAN

You could do better. You’re the youngest
women to make partner in the firm’s
history...

.

DANIELLE

Second youngest.

.

SUSAN

Whatever. Jack’s the oldest programmer at
his company and most of his managers are
younger that him.

.

DANIELLE

His professional life and our personal
lives are two separate things. -- Besides
you can’t measure success by position or
income alone.

.

Just then, a handsome man in his mid thirties pops his head in the door. He is wearing a $2000 Armani suit and his hair is freshly cut. This is DOUG CRANE, partner and head of the Acquisitions division of the firm.

.

DOUG

Danielle? Herb and Barry would like to see
you in the boardroom in a few. Thanks.

.

DANIELLE

Oh, sure.

.

DOUG

Fabulous. Hi Susan. Great shoes.

.

With a wink and a grin, Doug is gone.

.

SUSAN

Good thing you can’t measure success by
income and position. Otherwise poor Doug
would never have a chance against Jack.

.

DANIELLE

Oh shut up. Now get out. I have to see what
the senior partners want.

.

Danielle packs up her portfolio and heads down the hall.

.

INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY
Five GL employees, including Warren, are sitting around a long table. Jack is standing. The meeting has been going on for some time. The table is littered with coffee cups, notepaper, much of it crumpled.

On the wall are POST-IT NOTES with scribbling and the WHITE BOARD is covered with boxes, arrows and labels.

.

JACK

No, we can’t keep the development time that
long. Something has to be cut. This has to
be an early launch to the market.

.

STEVE

Without the requirements better defined…

JACK

They’re as well defined as anything else
this company has done.

.

STEVE

Not for something this size.

.

RAJIV

You can’t just expect this type of project
to happen without better direction.

.

JACK

Is that a dig at me?

.

Jack is frustrated and the conflict potential is increasing.

.

RAJIV

No, Jack. But any analysis of the business
objects will take three iterations with the
requirements we have now.

.

JACK

There isn’t time for three iterations.

.

MARGARET

And then there’s the database platform
review.

.

WARREN

They’re right Jack. It can’t be done to
Bettman’s timelines.

.

JACK

It has to be.

.

Jack throws down his fistful of notes. His mouth is dry from anxiety, but all the water bottles are empty.

.

MARGARET

Look. It’s not your project anymore. Why do
you care so much?

.

JACK

Because -- I want to be on a winning team.
Success is good for all of us on this, no
matter who’s in charge.

.

Jack is sweating; he loosens his tie. Heads are being shaken around the table.

.

STEVE

I’m not in this for the glory.

.

MARGARET

Me neither.

.

Jack is losing them.

.

JACK

It’s not about glory...

.

Jack braces against the table top to catch his breath.

.

RAJIV

It just can’t be done Jack. Not the way the
system was designed.
(beat)
Jack? -- Are you all right?

CUT TO:

APOLLO 13 – CLIP
Gene Kranz (Ed Harris) compelling Houston Mission Control to bring back the astronauts safely.

.

KRANZ

I don't care what anything was designed to
do. I care about what it can do.

CUT TO:

INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY

JACK (AS KRANZ)

I don't care what anything was designed to
do. I care about what it can do.

.

The group looks around at each other in confusion.

.

WARREN

You don’t look so good. Maybe you should
sit down.

.

JACK (AS KRANZ)

So let's get to work. Let's lay it out,
okay?

.

There is grudging assent as RAJIV and MARGARET return to their notes.

.

WARREN

We might trim some time if we use the old
query tool code.

.

STEVE

No. That’s like putting a putting a square
peg in a round hole.

CUT TO:

APOLLO 13 - CLIP
The flight engineers are trying to figure out how to fix the CO2 scrubbers with just duct tape and hoses.

.

KRANZ

What about the scrubbers on the command
module?

.

ENGINEER 1

They take square cartridges.

.

ENGINEER 2

And the ones on the LEM are round.

.

KRANZ

Well, I suggest you gentlemen invent a way
to put a square peg in a round hole.
Rapidly.

CUT TO:

INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY

JACK (AS KRANZ)

Well, I suggest you gentlemen invent a way
to put a square peg in a round hole.
Rapidly.

.

Rajiv, Margaret and Warren stop their renewed work effort to watch the confrontation.

.

JACK (AS KRANZ)

The people upstairs have handed us this
one, and we gotta come through -- we gotta
find a way to make this...

.

Jack mimes he is holding the square air filter.

.

JACK (AS KRANZ)

Fit into the hole for this...

.

Jack mimes he is holding the round air filter. The team members look at each other in embarrassed confusion, not understanding why Jack is pointing and gesturing at thin air.

.

JACK (AS KRANZ)

Usin' nothin' but that.

.

Jack points to the imaginary mound of equipment on the table.

.

JACK (AS KRANZ)

So make it happen.

.

Jack CLAPS his hands once.

.

Steve gets up and starts to walk to the door.

.

STEVE

You must be out of your mind.

.

Jack clenches his fists at his side and steps between Steve and the door. The insubordination is too much for his fragile psyche. Warren can only watch in stunned silence.

CUT TO:

DIRTY HARRY - CLIP
Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) is engaged in a standoff with a gunman.

.

CALLAHAN

I know what you're thinking. Did he fire
six shots or only five? Well, to tell you
the truth, in all this excitement, I've
kinda lost track myself. But being as
this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful
handgun in the world, and would blow your
head clean off,

CUT TO:

INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY

JACK (AS HARRY CALLAHAN)

You've got to ask yourself a question: Do I
feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

.

The door OPENS and Bryan enters enthusiastically.

.

BRYAN

How’s my team coming along? Got some
estimates on the delivery?

.

Bryan’s entrance has ended the standoff. Steve backs down while Jack remains standing in a daze. Warren jumps up and puts an arm around Jack.

.

WARREN

Jack is keeping us focused. He’s a pro.

.

BRYAN
(claps and rubs his hands)

Super. So we’ll have those timelines this
afternoon?

.

Jack does not answer.

.

STEVE

Yeah, I guess we can give you something.

.

Steve turns and begins to erase the whiteboard while sketching out something else.

.

WARREN

I think me and the Big Guy are just

going to grab some air. You know, with

all this high octane thinking going on...

.

Warren leads the zombie-like Jack from the room.

Part 5 - Stanley Discovers a Half Naked Livingston

(Please read the previous episodes before reading this posting)
Part 1 - Meet Jack Collins
Part 2 - Jack Would Rather Be in the Coffin Than Giving the Eulogy
Part 3 - Danielle's Ultimatum
Part 4 - Mr. Bond's Great Escape

Warren finds Jack safe in his apartment but jack remembers nothing of his bold escape.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT - NIGHT.
The setting sun can just be seen through the blinds. The apartment is quiet, except for the TICKING of a clock. We can see Jack lying face down on the floor, still in his hospital gown. His BACK is slowly rising and falling, so we know he is still alive.

.

The phone RINGS three times and the machine picks up.

.

VOICE OF DIRTY HARRY

Go ahead, make my day...

.

VOICE OF JACK

and leave me a message. BEEP.

.

VOICE OF DANIELLE
(she is frantic)

Jack? Jack? Are you there? Please pick up.
We’re all looking for you, Warren, his mom.
-- We’re all worried.

.

Danielle is on the edge of tears as her VOICE CHOKES.

.

VOICE OF DANIELLE (CONT’D)

Call me, please. -- Make my day.

.

Her SLIGHT SOBS can be heard as she hangs up.The phone call has woken Jack. He starts to stir, slowly pushing himself up on his elbows, then on all fours. Sitting back on his heels, he holds his head and groans. Jack looks down and sees he is wearing a hospital gown. He looks around the apartment completely stunned at what could have happened to him, or worse, what had he done.

.

There is POUNDING at the door.

.

WARREN (CONT’D)
(through the door)

Jack!? Buddy? You home?

.

He POUNDS three more times.

.

WARREN (CONT’D)
(through the door)

It’s Warren. Can you open the door?

.

We can hear someone else has come into the hallway.

.

WARREN (CONT’D)
(through the door)

Oh, hey, hey Ma’am? Excuse me. Do you know
if Jack Collins is home? -- The man who
lives here?

.

Pause. There are INAUDIBLE MURMURINGS from in the hallway. Jack has not moved.

.

WARREN (CONT’D)
(through the door)

Then what the hell good are you? Stop
wasting my time.

.

We hear HIGH-PITCHED INDIGNATION.

.

WARREN (CONT’D)
(through the door)

Oh nice, very ladylike. You touch your
grandkids with that finger?

.

Warren bangs on the door again.

.

WARREN (CONT’D)
(through the door)

Jack? Jack?

.

Jack struggles to his feet and walks to the door. It is unlocked. Jack has not left his apartment door unlocked in years.

.

JACK
(quizzically)

What the...?

.

He opens the door. Warren is standing there, arm raised about to pound on the door again.

.

WARREN

Jack!!

.

Warren lunges forward and grabs Jack around the shoulders. He then bear hugs him lifting him off the ground, but in doing so has to drop his hands down Jack’s back. Warren hasn’t realized that Jack is wearing a hospital gown and in his eagerness at seeing his friend is now in direct and
unwelcome contact with Jack’s bare buttocks.

.

WARREN (CONT'D)
(with shock and disgust)

Whoa, man. What are you doing hanging
around without your gaunch on? That’s just
rude.

.

JACK
(with great confusion)

I -- I just woke up. On the floor.

.

WARREN

Oh I’ve been there, done that and I have
the t-shirt to prove it. Sounds like good
times.

.

Warren pushes past Jack into the apartment. He plops down on the couch as though he is on the edge of exhaustion, taking up twice the space a person needs.

.

JACK

No, I didn’t get hammered -- at least I
don’t think so. I can’t remember...

.

WARREN

Hey, I can’t blame you Buddy. You got any
crude stitching on your bod? Still have
both kidneys? Being in the hospital can be
traumatic. I would’ve been tempted to tie
one too. Speaking of which... you got any

cold one’s in the fridge?

.

Warren pushes himself off the couch and walks to the kitchen. Warren rummages around in the refrigerator looking for beer. Jack follows him into the kitchen.

.

JACK

When was I in the hospital?

.

WARREN

Today. Well, last night actually. You
checked yourself out this morning. That’s
why we’re out looking for you.

.

Warren emerges beerless from the refrigerator and closes the door.

.

JACK

I don’t remember any of that at all. The
last thing I remember was boxing up all my
movie stuff -- then waking up here in this
stupid gown. -- Where are my clothes? And
why are my feet all dirty?

.

WARREN
(laughing)

Oh, that’s the best part.

.

Warren walks past Jack back into the living room. He starts to dial the phone on the table beside the couch.

.

WARREN

When I said you ‘checked yourself out’,
apparently it was more like you ‘busted
out’.

.

Jack just stands in the kitchen doorway unable to grasp what he’s being told.

.

WARREN (CONT'D)

You smoked the doctor over the head with
the meal tray and hustled out a back
stairway. Not even a goodbye to your
roommate. Mr. Steinburg says hello by the
way. We’re still trying to piece together
what happened after that, but there are
unconfirmed reports of a man on a stolen
Vespa wearing only a hospital gown riding
erratically through the downtown. Now I’m
no detective, but I do know two and two
make five. Any chance we’ll find a Vespa in
the apartment?

.

On the other end of the phone Danielle’s MACHINE picks up.

.

WARREN (CONT'D)
(into the phone)

Hi, Danielle. I’ve found him safe and sound
at home. But it looks like he’s lost his
sense of modesty. I’ll hang out here until
you come.

.

Warren hangs up.

.

WARREN (CONT’D)

Seriously Dude. I’ve been here five minutes
already and you’re still hanging your moon.
Put on some pants.

.

JACK

Sorry.

.

Warren takes Jack’s shoulders and points him toward his bedroom.

.

WARREN

Don’t apologize. Just -- do something with
-- all that. Sanitize.

.

Jack turns. We follow him as he walks down the hall to his bedroom. He passes the den and stops. The room is bare of the movie paraphernalia, except for one remaining box he did not yet take down to the street. Jack shakes his head and goes into the bathroom and shuts the door.

.

CUT TO:

INT. DANIELLE’S CAR – NIGHT.
Danielle has been driving around looking for Jack. She dials into her cell phone and we hear WARREN’S MESSAGE over the speaker. Her eyes begin to tear up and immediately turns the car.

.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT - NIGHT.
Jack emerges from his bedroom dressed and comes into the kitchen to find Warren cooking. He has been gone for no more that 10 minutes, but in this time Warren has managed to turn the kitchen into a war zone. He has used nearly every pot and pan. Steam is rising from a pot on the stove that has spaghetti noodles escaping over the top, sauce is spattered on the cupboards and for some reason there are scrambled eggs on the counter.

.

WARREN

Hey, there he is. Feel better?

.

Jack is horrified at the sight of his kitchen. Warren’s demolition is another is a series of events that have recently robbed him of any control.

.

JACK

What are you doing?

.

WARREN

Supper. You gotta be hungry. I understand
you didn’t even get your pudding at the
hospital.

.

JACK

Yeah, but did you have to cook everything I
have?

.

WARREN

Hey, don’t tell me about how to eat.
(rubs his prodigious stomach)
I don’t tell you how to be crazy.

.

Warren hands Jack a heaping plate of spaghetti.

.

JACK

I’ve never seen so much food on one plate
before.

.

Jack pulls up a forkful of spaghetti that contains olives, hotdog bits, pickles and other unrecognizable accessories.

.

JACK (CONT'D)

Or has contained so many ill suited
ingredients. -- Are you pregnant?

.

The door bursts open and Danielle rushes in.

.

DANIELLE

Jack!

.

Danielle rushes to Jack and grabs him, causing the pile of spaghetti to slip to the floor.

.

WARREN

Great. All that work wasted.

.

She continues to kiss him oblivious of the mess, or Warren.

.

DANIELLE

Oh thank God, you’re all right. I was so
worried. Everyone was.

.

She continues to pepper his face with kisses.

.

DANIELLE (CONT'D)

Why did you leave the hospital?

.

JACK

I don’t know. I don’t remember even being
there.

.

DANIELLE

You don’t remember hitting the doctor?

.

JACK

Nope.

.

DANIELLE

Or running off in your gown?

.

JACK

No, but I do remember having my ass
grabbed in it by Warren.

.

WARREN

I think that’s my cue to leave.

.

Warren grabs his jacket from the counter and heads to the door.

.

JACK

Thanks for all your...help.

.

WARREN

Don’t mention it.

.

JACK

I’m sure just burning down the kitchen will
be the best way to clean it.

.

WARREN

Ungrateful friend. I don’t know why I
bother carpooling with you as a favor.

.

Warren closes the door behind him.

.

JACK
(sarcastically)

I can't understand why you don’t

like him.

.

DANIELLE

It escapes me, but I’m sure it will come
back. Now what do you say we check you out
and make sure there are no broken bones?

.

Danielle takes Jack by the hand and leads him down the hall to the bedroom.

.

JACK

Well, you can never be too careful.

.

DANIELLE

Yes. It’s the mature thing to do.

.

They close the bedroom door behind them.

FADE OUT.

Part 3 - Danielle's Ultimatum

(Please read the previous episodes before reading this posting)
Part 1 - Meet Jack Collins
Part 2 - Jack Would Rather Be in the Coffin Than Giving the Eulogy

Warren and Jack unwind after work, then Jack meets his girlfriend Danielle for a non-celebratory dinner.

EXT. SKATEBOARD PARK – DAY.
The scene opens on a busy outdoor skateboard park. We see Jack and Warren’s backs as they overlook the edge of a concrete halfpipe. All around them are skater-kids performing aerial stunts.

LOUD RAP MUSIC THROBS from an unseen boom box.

QUICK PAN OF:

JACK AND WARREN’S FACES.
We see Warren first. Below a helmet perched on his large head like Jackie Kennedy’s pillbox hat, Warren’s eyes are full of wonder and excitement as he takes in the spectacle. Jack’s eyes are full of dread and his face is white as he watches kids half his age defy gravity without fear.

.

EXT. SKATEBOARD PARK – DAY.
Jack keeps ducking for fear he is about to be struck by a runaway board. Warren is oblivious as he tightens the helmet under his several chins. The knee and elbow pads strain to keep his flesh
in.

WARREN

All I’m saying is I’ve seen worse
presentations. Now, I’ll take a couple of
runs and then you can have a turn. Okay?

.

JACK

I think I’ll pass. I’d rather not meet
Danielle for dinner in a body cast.

He looks again in awed appreciation the spectacle of youthful skill and daring.

.

JACK (CONT’D)

Are you sure you don’t want to reconsider,
or at least start with something
less...concrete? Maybe a mattress?

.

WARREN

Nah. Where’s the fun in that? I may be big,
but I’m agile. Like a cat.

.

Warren shoves off from the edge. The camera FOLLOWS his decent into the half pipe. He gathers great speed and the momentum carries him up the other side.

.

The camera PULLS BACK LEVEL with the top of the half pipe at Jack’s feet. We see Warren SHOOT over the top of the wall. He is airborne, rising higher. All the other skaters watch as he passes overhead. Warren’s accent peaks, and he plummets back to earth outside the pipe. He DISAPPEARS behind the grassy knoll on the other side.

.

Before Jack can call out to him, Warren pops back up over the edge of the knoll. His helmet is askew and there are clumps of grass in his elbow and knee pads. He waves the skateboard over
his head.

.

WARREN

I’m all right. I’m okay.

.

JACK
(to himself)

I think you’d find those who would disagree
with that.

CUT TO:

INT. BUSY RESTAURANT – NIGHT.
The camera moves through the room past the diners. We see an attractive woman in her early thirties talking as she cuts her food. This is DANIELLE MORGAN, Jack’s girlfriend.

The camera SWINGS AROUND to show Jack. His hands are in his lap, shoulders hunched. He hasn’t touched his food.

.

DANIELLE

Really, Jack how bad could it be?

.

JACK

I ordered medium and this is rare.

.

DANIELLE

So send it back.

.

JACK

Nah, that’s all right.

.

Jack pokes half heartedly at his meat.

.

DANIELLE

Anyway, I was talking about the
presentation.

.

JACK

Oh that.

.

DANIELLE

I mean...

.

Danielle stifles a laugh.

.

DANIELLE (CONT’D)

You really sat down after only the

second screen?

.

JACK

Apparently. I really don’t really remember.

.

DANIELLE

And nobody said anything?

.

JACK

Nope.

.

A WAITER steps to their table.

.

WAITER

And how is everything?

.

JACK

Fine.

.

DANIELLE

Mine is good, but his steak is

undercooked.

.

WAITER

I’m so sorry Sir. I will have it fixed

right away.

.

JACK

No, that’s okay.

.

Jack moves to protect his plate with his body.

.

WAITER

Please Sir, I insist.

.

The waiter dodges left, then right. Jack tries to wrap his arms around the plate, but the waiter goes over the top. The waiter is quicker than Jack and he snatches away the plate. A couple of
roasted potatoes fall on the place mat. Jack spears one with his fork and eats it.

.

Danielle continues to eat vigorously while chuckling.

.

DANIELLE

So Bryan did your presentation. The
presentation you’ve been working on for...
what, six weeks?

.

She takes a big bite of steak. Danielle is a great girl, beautiful, feminine, and confident enough to enjoy life without worrying what people think about her.

.

JACK

Yup.

.

DANIELLE
(talking through a mouthful of food)

I’m sorry, I really am Jack. But you have
to see the humor in this.

.

Jack looks down and begins to cut his remaining potato with sadistic fervor, slicing it into ever smaller pieces.

.

JACK

Humor? What, like burying Grandma humor?
Funny like re-breaking a leg that was set
wrong? Or how about if you married my best
friend? That would be a scream. Fucking
hilarious.

.

DANIELLE
(playfully)

Would you be upset if I married Warren?

.

JACK

Sure.

.

DANIELLE

Why? Do you want to marry me?

.

JACK

Yes. Yes I do.

.

Danielle has just asked Jack to marry her. They both pause to let the significance of what just happened sink in. Jack is not exactly sure how he just became engaged. Finally Danielle breaks the silence.

.

DANIELLE

Okay. I’ll be serious. Will FuBaste go
ahead? And hopefully get a better name.

.

JACK

Maybe, but I won’t get to lead any of it.
(beat)
Of course in The Great Escape, most of the
prisoners didn’t make it out of the camp.

.

DANIELLE

Jack...

.

JACK

We can’t have success if everyone is a
glory hog.

.

DANIELLE

Jack, there’s a difference between grabbing
the spotlight and collapsing from stage
fright.

.

Jack doesn’t hear her.

.

JACK

Bryan actually did a pretty good job. He
may not know much but he sure can fake it.

.

The waiter returns with his plate.

.

WAITER

Here you are Sir. I hope this is more
satisfactory.

.

Jack ignores him as he is engrossed in his movie thoughts. He starts to eat his meal.

.

JACK

He’s like Chevy Chase in Fletch.

.

DANIELLE

Oh Jack, please don’t start with that. No
movies tonight.

.

JACK

Because Fletch was able to talk his way
into anything. It’s the same kind of self-confidence.

.

Danielle looks bored. She chews disinterestedly as he becomes more animated. He may really be onto something.

.

JACK (CONT'D)

Except that Fletch really did know what he
was doing. Bryan doesn’t know anything
about software, or business -- or anything
I can see. Maybe he’s more like one of The
Three Amigos.

.

Danielle puts down her silverware.

.

DANIELLE

Okay. This needs to stop.

.

JACK

(startled from his movie talk)

What? Is there something wrong with the
food?

.

DANIELLE

No. It’s you and your Macho Man movies.

They run your whole life.

.

JACK

No they don’t. They -- they liberate me.

.

DANIELLE

They cripple you Jack.

.

JACK

You’re wrong Danielle. Guy movies deal with
all the elements that cause stress and show
how you can solve them so you can walk off
into the sunset while the villagers pray
for your return.

.

DANIELLE

Oh please. I’ve heard the speech before.

.

JACK

A guy movie exists on the basic premise
that action is better than talk, that honor
is better than compromise and sometimes all
a guy needs is the right line to get out of
any situation. “Hasta la vista, Baby.”

.

DANIELLE

But Jack, they keep you from taking any
risk. That’s your problem. I don’t
understand why, maybe you’re afraid to act
in case it doesn’t turn out like you’ve
seen.

.

JACK

It’s not unusual to hate public speaking
Danielle. Lots of people do.

.

DANIELLE

But it’s more than that. You’re the
smartest guy at GL but you can’t step out
to get noticed. In twenty years, you’ll
still be writing code and helping new
college grads become your boss. We’ve been
dating for over three years, and in case
you didn’t notice tonight, we’re now
engaged only because I asked you.

.

JACK

Yeah. -- I did notice that.

.

DANIELLE

I love you. But that’s not how I want a
proposal. I want to be romanced by a man
who is willing to do whatever it takes to
win me. I think I deserve it.

.

JACK

You do. I -- I love you too.

.

DANIELLE

But you don’t know how to do that Jack
because you’ve never seen it in a movie.
Not the Dirty Dozen, not Dirty Harry or any
other unwashed action hero.

.

JACK

There’s James Bond. He does okay with the
ladies.

.

DANIELLE

That’s not love and those aren’t women.
They’re some old man’s martini masturbation
fantasy come to life.

.

This is said loudly enough that people at the surrounding tables stop eating. The word “masturbation” will do that in a restaurant. Danielle turns to speak to one particularly outraged man in his sixties.

.

DANIELLE (CONT'D)

Oh come on. Pussy Galore? Honey Ryder? What
kind of names are those?

.

JACK
(impressed)

I can’t believe you know that.

.

DANIELLE

Of course I do. It’s hard to forget
anything so juvenile and embarrassing.
Those ridiculous names, and the shallow,
unprotected sex that go along with them,
ruin what are some decent films.

.

Neither Jack nor Danielle has touched their food for some time. The waiter continues to circle the table but does not dare break into the conversation to ask if everything is all right.

.

JACK

If you want me to try harder at work...

.

DANIELLE

Jack, it’s not your position at work that’s
the problem; it’s just a symptom. If I
believed you were happy, then that would be
great. I don’t care if you’re the president
or the janitor, as long as it’s what you
want to do.

.

JACK

But it’s just a job. I can ignore all that
because you are what’s important to me.

.

DANIELLE

But it’s not enough. I don’t want to be in
a relationship where you relate to the
world only through what happened in some
movie. You need to want to be with me more
than your need to stay up late to watch
Sonny Corleone get gunned down for the
hundredth time.

.

Jack is about to say something to object but Danielle raises her hand to stop him.

.

DANIELLE (CONT'D)

I know The Godfather is an Oscar winner,
and believe it or not, I do enjoy watching
it, but maybe once every five years, not
once a week.

.

JACK

So what are you saying?

.

DANIELLE

I’m going to make this real easy for you:
me or the movies.

.

JACK

Dee -- I don’t see that they are two things
I need to choose between.

.

DANIELLE

They are when your obsession with them puts
them ahead of our life together.

.

Danielle pushes her chair back and wipes her hands as she stands.

.

DANIELLE

Either you give up the films Jack, or me.

.

Danielle kisses Jack on the top of his head and walks out of the restaurant. Jack makes no move to follow her. He knows this is a critical moment when a grand gesture could save him. However, another anxiety attack, like earlier in the day, keeps him glued to the chair, rubbing his sweaty palms against his sides as he tries to control his breathing.

.

The waiter approaches.

WAITER

Is everything all right Sir?

.

JACK

Huh?

.

WAITER

Is everything all right Sir? Can I get you
something else?

.

JACK

No. I’m fine.

.

Jack adopts a southern drawl a la the sadistic sheriff in Cool Hand Luke.

.

JACK (CONT'D)

What we’ve got here is a failure to
communicate.

.

The waiter just stares at him blankly, not knowing the reference.